"Got to pay your dues if you wanna sing the blues. And you know it don't come easy," Ringo Star

Day 58

Today is the 49th day of taking a full dose of Azilect and the 8th day on a full dose of Pramipexole.

On the way to work today I began listening to  Always Looking Up: The Adventures of An Incurable Optimist by Michael J Fox. I was struck by his positive attitude, but based on the work that he does with his foundation, I was not really surprised. He wrote about his dystonia causing his feet to curl under and having to put a pair of loafers on just to walk to the bathroom in the morning.

I now remember how my feet kept curling under making it impossible to wear flip-flops this summer. At one point, I was at the park with my son at a place called the "Splash Zone." It is essentially a giant sprinkler. The water was up to my ankles and my toes just kept curling under.  If this has never happened to you, it is maddening. I got out of the water, picked up my cotton slip on sneakers and wore them in the sprinkler, which made the situation with my feet more bearable. Back to the present, somewhere around week three of taking my Azilect this problem went away. It somehow just slipped by me unnoticed. Inspired by Michael J Fox, I realized as I got out of the car and walked toward my office that I had something to be grateful for! So I am taking a moment to feel good about the way my treatment is progressing and while the warm weather is still with us, I must try to wear flip-flops at least once.

While I recognize and am grateful for the fact that I could have a much worse disease, I am assuming that life with Parkinson's will not be easy When I think about my life, however, I realize that it has never been walk in the park. I was an extremely unhappy child (most of this was my fault) and I started drinking at age 13 and just kept going until I was a full-fledged alcoholic (all of that was my fault). I have been clean and sober for over 15 years and but, "...you know it don't come easy." I have never been the smartest person academically, but somehow I managed to earn a Masters degree, write a dissertation and earn a doctorate. There are no guarantees in life. My medication may eventually fail in suppressing my symptoms, the latest brain surgery may be of no help to me and overall, I could get worse. Looking back on my life, I can remember that there was no guarantee that I would pass my certification exam (for the second time) and be given permission to write my dissertation. I did pass, however, due to a great deal of hard work. What I am trying to convey here is this is the way that I will deal with Parkinson's. In fact, it is the only way that I know how. I will take my medication, do my stretches and exercises and see my doctor every three months. I will keep a positive attitude and remember that, "It don't come easy." (For the record, yes, I realize that quoting Ringo Starr is extremely cheesy.)

For right now, however, I am just grateful that my toes are no longer curling under.